Date: 12/29/13 01:37 am Title: Passing by the Graveyard
If I may ask, is this all original mythology or are you basing it on a specific culture's?
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and your reviews, I really appreciate it. :D
Well, it's mostly original mythology based off of every culture's own version of Death's personification. I'm a mythology nut. I wasn't quite sure how to properly label this original work though, because the whole has a mix of genres so I just put mythology to simplify things.
Date: 12/29/13 01:36 am Title: Passing by the Graveyard
So, since you said you wanted feedback, here are some things:
I really enjoyed the read, and if you post more up, I'm definitely going to keep reading because I'm so intrigued.
The only things I'm iffy about are the way it starts off...
Personally, I could tell he was going to be Death because of the way he looks. Obviously he's not human because of his eyes, and black is usually always connected to death, so I was already guessing it was going to be him.
And I get that he has his reasons for being so cold to her, but (for me at least) the smirking kind of made it feel like it was already time for her to die and he was going to enjoy taking her.
The end though was perfect in changing this around and giving more information. Like I said, I was really enjoying this.
I just feel that, if you focus a little less on his smirking or if he doesn't smirk quite so much, it might feel a little bit more... well, I'm not exactly sure...
These were just my opinions right off the bat though. I just reread it a couple of times right now and, well, this is great.
I wish you the best of luck with your novel, and I can't wait to see it in stores so I can read it all! :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much for your feedback, I really appreciate it. :D
Ah, yeah. I'm not a big fan of the beginning either, but that because it's not exactly the beginning, but more or less just after. There is still some stuff in the earlier parts of the first chapter that I'm not happy with which leads up right to where this one starts and there is also a little more after this scene as well which explains a few things and bring the official first chapter to a close. Those parts still need some work - they're not turning out like I think they should. But, if I finally get them to turn out good enough I will be sure to post them.
It is rather obvious isn't it? Ah well, stereotypes aren't always a bad thing. I'm not very good at writing the mystery genre. It just falls flat every time I try, a lot like my poorly written humor genre stories - none of them ever work out right.
Forgive me, but I couldn't help but laugh at that comment. It's funny because she's the only soul in the universe that he can't reap and the only one he doesn't ever want to. It's macabre humor at its best or rather its worst. lol Him being smug and always smirking is more or less his normal expression, although it isn't his true face. He does it simply to annoy and he enjoys getting a rise out of people, especially her. It's his messed up way of teasing, it's kind of like how preschool boys mercilessly tease the girls they supposedly like.
Again, thank you so much for your comments, well wishes and everything. :D
Date: 12/29/13 01:23 am Title: Passing by the Graveyard
I'm so curious as to who this girl is...
Author's Response: She's based loosely off of Death's wife or lover. Most culture's have a humanoid personification of death and usually he has a wife or lover, but our current culture (American) has death symbolized as the lone, skeleton Grim Reaper. I've always wondered why that is and decided to make my own version as to why he is alone now in this modern world and fill in the blanks myself.