Date: 09/19/15 11:58 pm Title: Business
Leaving another review because I can.
1st, I forgot to mention this in my previous review but the whole thing with Seto becoming undone and such, and Mokuba mentioning that he hadn't been seeing his psychiatrist...would it be possible if Seto does actually go through with getting therapy or counseling? I would just love to see mental illness and emotional instability getting some light in more written works, especially fanfiction. I feel like this would be fantastic - possibly even helping the main character and Seto settle a few of the various problems they face in whatever relationship they might have had at one point. I don't mean to push but just suggesting what I read from the text, this sounds like a great opportunity to introduce those sorts of elements. Seto wouldn't even be the only benefitting from such therapy since it seems his behavior and abuse made her turn toward drinking and messed her up as well. I really do wish the best for both of them.
2nd, I'm apalled at the lack of reviews this has. Beyond one other Kaiba-fic on this site, the rest seems like horribly written crap compared to this gem. I hope the lack of reviews doesn't deter you from continuing to write for this fic. I'd love to see where it goes and I'll leave ten reviews for each chapter if that's what it takes for you to keep going.
Alright, I'm done ranting - thanks for reading and again, loving the fic.
Right now with all the stuff I have going on and the stories I'm trying to work on, it's quite possible in the distant future I may write a side-fic relating to Kaiba and his therapy - but like I said - distant future.
Second, they'll both be okay :)
Third, lack of reviews don't deter me from writing [although it does sting a bit to my ego]...I'm still writing but I've just had so much to do nowadays (work, work, family, going out a lot, etc.) so don't lose hope yet!
And as for the other Kaiba fics, I know of two authors that supercede my talent and I hold them in high regard. They write great fanfiction (and Kaiba-centric also) and they also focus on that conscious perspective of Kaiba [and they do a great job of it...like seriously]...it's Jensea and SoundofSapphire...they are great [and I personally know them] - they're more focused on the Kaiba-psychological aspect rather than me with the romance/smut.
Again, thanks for reading - only 2 more chapters to go!!
Date: 09/19/15 11:51 pm Title: So Many Levels Of Wrong
Wow, I don't even know what to say. This is one of the most intense Kaiba-centric fics I've ever read. I loved each chapter, despite being sensitive to domestic violence and abuse and the like...but since it was part of the story, I think it was written very well. I especially like how it affects her and how she sincerely does not want Kaiba back in her life despite knowing how much it hurts deep down to know that she loved him and he's hurt her in that way.
The fighting between Seto and Mokuba really hurt me as well as a Kaiba-brother fan. It just goes to show how upset Seto is during the whole ordeal. I'm hoping that in a future chapter, we can see some resolution between the two - Mokuba is tired of Seto's shit but he's also really worried for his big brother. It's a very understandable position. And leave it to Mokuba to try and persuade her to get back with his problematic brother; that did make me laugh. I'm also glad he did leave when he said he wasn't sure who his brother was anymore.
I commend you for writing about Seto in a way that seems definitely plausible. I do think after all the abuse and negative emotions he experienced being "raised" by Gozaburo, he would have an extremely hard time trusting anyone and letting himself be emotionally vulnerable, even though he pretty much undid himself at the end when he lost the only other non-blood related person who bothered to try and get to know him as a human instead of the handsome, genius CEO.
I also feel really bad for the main character - she's just caught up in the middle of this huge messed up ordeal. Although, I'm a bit confused timeline wise...so the two met, hooked up, had a great night sex, and then Kaiba propositioned her for a continued sexual relationship? Meanwhile he grew more distant and violent with each encounter? Thus leading to the break up? I'd just like to get a little clarity.
Now, I just have to comment on your smut - my god I think I'm in love. I'm not really a fan of smut in fanfiction but I think your writing was the hottest I've ever read, and I've read stuff done by supposed "professional" writers. It was just great - word choice, imagery, syntax, pacing...all great. It made for a very sexy mood. Excellent work - I hope we can see another one from you in the future. Kaiba makes for a very interesting subject, hehehe.
I think my only gripe would be that in this latest chapter, you have Mokuba refer to Seto as 'Nee-sama' when it should actually be 'Nii-sama'. 'Nee' means older sister while 'Nii' is for older brother :) I laughed at that but they can get confusing so no harm - I would just suggest keeping an eye out for that in the future.
I truly hope that we can see an update for this in the near future - I look forward to reading more from you and seeing how these characters resolve their issues.
All right, so sorry for the late response, but I had to put some thought into the reply [especially for yours since it's especially long :) ]
Okay, so I'm not a person who likes domestic violence/abuse, but I never thought of inserting the like on purpose. But seeing as you brought this to light, it makes me think about everything in a different perspective. It truly wasn't my aim to do such thing, but it was moreso to show some of the more critical points and turning points that take place between the reader and Kaiba.
As for the brothers making up??? I'm working on that...
And here's the timeline: they meet, first night, they agree to their 'deal' of 'business', after 3 months [ch 4 - first fight] and things change btw them, she leaves him, brothers fight, first confrontation [park], mokuba tries to intevene, second confrontation [dinner] and last night...Although I DID warn in the beginning that this was a different style of writing I was experimenting with - I call it - a montage of stuff [read author notes of chapters 5 & 6]
As for my lemons...well I've had seven+ years of writing practice and lots and lots of well..."things" that help, so I can chalk it up to that, but everyone has a different opinons on that. I can say that I'm the best in some people's eyes or that I'm average or I suck, but everyone's a critic and I'll leave it up to them to think what they think. I write what I like to write and if people like it, then I'll cheer in joy and get you guys cookies, if they don't like it, they can suck it like DX.
And trust me, I think there are MANY other subjects who make for interesting lemon/smut writing...
Oh and I didn't know about the "Nii" and "Nee" differences, so thanks for bringing those up. I'll fix that small error next time I post :)
Thank you again for your compliments and I do take them to heart. I try very much to write what I write and I admit, it's not the best and I've seen better. I just think of writing as a style, certain people will like certain styles and if it's out of their comfort zone, they won't like it - same thing with my writing - I like details - lots and lots of details for imagery - if it's too vague or just popped in there half-assed, then I don't bother reading it. Same thing with whatever you read - I don't know what you like, but whatever it was, I think I hit the mark in your standards since you liked a lot of what I wrote!
Well thank you very very much for your review and I hope you like the ending to it!! Also, check out the songs too - they tie into the story context...
Date: 08/05/15 10:31 pm Title: So Many Levels Of Wrong
If I need to spam reviews to keep this going then I will dammit! Please don't leave me hanging D:
HAhahaha...your review put a smile on my face and made me laugh! And sorry I left you hanging, but I'm slowly working on it. Good things come to people who wait :)
Date: 08/05/15 02:56 pm Title: R.I.P. The Memories
This chapter was very hot! I'm blushing and my heart is beating wildly.
But dealking with Kaiba can still be so frustrating! He's a complicated guy.
Yup, it was meant to be hot hot hot!!! I'm glad you enjoyed it...And yes, Kaiba is complicated and hard to deal with - which is why we [Kaiba-maniac fans] love to write about him [me lol]...
If you thought he was frustrating now...Read the next chapter and review on that! lol!
Thanks again for being a loyal reviewee!!
Date: 08/05/15 08:36 am Title: So Many Levels Of Wrong
After having read all of the chapters up in one go, I am so glad to say that the reader isn't the sort of girl to back up and cry about things all the time. And as for Kaiba's character, I think you've captured it perfectly which I think is difficult, but that's just me ^_^
Anyway, I've really enjoyed what I've been reading and I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the fantastic work and update soon! :D
Awww! i've been there before too - just reading every chapter to catch up (only I leave reviews back to back after each chapter just because I'm awesome)...it's hard but people like you and I are motivated and that is just something you don't find in everyone, so I am glad you are one in the picking!
Anyways, I try and make the reader well...as "human" as possible - by that (and the human in quotes) I mean like human like you, me, and all the people you know and see. I've been through enough crap involving guys - which is something I use to help write stories and plots - and it tends to work...There are some points where the reader shys away (which is something I would do and did with guys), yet she puts her foot down and doesn't back down and as you say "takes the risk and jumps" (also something I've done with guys)...
Kaiba's hard to capture in context and it just depends on what you want him doing in the story and how it'll all pulls out, so I'm glad you think I've captured him in a good way.
Thanks again for reviewing! I hope you like how the rest of the story will end!
Date: 02/10/15 04:04 pm Title: Do
“Do you want this?”
“Does it even matter?” He murmured against your clothed shoulder.
“It does to me.”
Those words were all it took for Kaiba to lose his reserve. No one had ever really asked him what he wanted, he would either just take and leave or refuse to take at all. No one ever cared what he did since they always knew his decision from first hand experience. No one even cared for the reasons for the things that he did.
For some reason you valued his decision, his opinions. You actually acknowledged him for the person he was. Not the cold, ruthless, serious CEO. Not the nonchalant, uncaring, supermodel-worthy man. Not the sensitive, possessive brother."
Fuck me. This is so well written. I love it. I especially love the exposition here. It's a very mature yet vulnerable side of Kaiba, but it's extremely well done. He's perfectly in character. I think a lot of that can be contributed to the Reader's personality. I find her character to be... very unique. I don't think I've read another story where she's quite like this. She's kind of quiet and meek, but she's also very strong. It seems like she has her own code, her own set of rules when it comes to other people, such as respecting them no matter what. I feel like I'm gushing, but damn. I said it before, and I'll say it again. This is so well written. Amazing job. I can't wait to see what's next.
After reading this and who it was from...I was definitively in awe!!! I had to do a double take just to make sure my eyes weren't tricking me! :D I thank you soooooooo soooooo much for reviewing!!! It just....oh man it made me sooooo happy when seeing this...I screamed and everyone thought I freaked out and I made a big deal out of it...but they don't know the pleasures of writing...
I'm so glad you liked it!! And I'm glad to know that Kaiba is still in character (it was hard just writing these parts since he's never in these situations...and I've hardly come across anything close to this besides the stories that you and Jenna write).
As for the Reader, I try to make them as realistic as possible. I pretty much take the feelings I've experienced in real life, along with things I have seen and descriptions I have read in books and I just mix them all together...Even though the Reader seems quite eccentric with the personality, it gives the Reader a more dynamic position in the story, rather than a subtle, cookie-cutter role. And it also gives more leeway into writing more about what she and whoever I'm writing with feels.
Date: 08/08/14 01:19 pm Title: Stand Your Ground
Reader did well. That relationship wasn't healthy, and as much as she loves him, she can't really overlook such abuse.
I know it must have been hard, but I'm so glad she decided to end it.
Well...it was quite obvious how it was going...
As they say...good things have to come to an end - and so it did for them up until the fights...
It was hard for her...you'll see why next chapter...and the rest.. :) Thanks for being one of my loyal reviewers!
Date: 08/08/14 04:53 am Title: Stand Your Ground
Oooo!! Abuse is NOT right!!! So glad the reader is strong and independent!! Those other obedient spineless characters piss me off 😒 *sigh*
Knowing what Kaiba is capable of, is the reader gonna move away and start another life in a different city? Maybe her job can transfer her to a different branch location haha
Oookay... well, the reader had to develop some backbone at some point and did...
And no....she isn't going to move or transfer jobs...when I say "business" I'm referring to their whole arrangement of being together sexually....she never worked for her or any relation to that...
You'll see everything come together full circle if you really read it back to back, read between the lines and listen to the songs and thanks for reviewing!
Date: 08/07/14 02:24 am Title: Sorry
Kaiba, Kaiba... Your temper and inability to apologizing and voicing his true desires are certainly an issue, that he should try to resolve.
Poor reader, it's a wonder she hasn't left him for good.
You know Kaiba is unable to do that with anyone unless it's his brother or he's deeply involved. His temper adds to the story because it's an element I've hardly seen in any other story...thus why I'm writing about it...
Oooohhh...are you like a psychic or something??
Date: 08/07/14 02:10 am Title: Sides
Oh, this was a really bad argument..
It's really sad that everything between those two just became business and nothing more.
Oh just wait...
It's gonna be better....
And you shall see why in time! Thanks again for your feedback! It swells my heart in joy!
Date: 07/27/14 05:40 pm Title: Sides
Ohh this is a different side of Kaiba. Very interesting how everything is going and cant wait to read the next chapter
Thanks :) And it will get more interesting further along. With this story, I meant to put to light a few different sides of Kaiba that most wouldn't do (except for a few I have seen)...So surprise surprise :) And thanks again for reviewing!
Date: 06/10/14 01:54 am Title: Do
...You can't really say no to that, can you? *swoons*
As you can imagine, I loved this chapter! Very sensual, but also with the right amount of feelings involved.
I truly enjoyed knowing what Kaiba was thinking.
So I think it's safe to say Kaiba is NOT OOC-ish?! Great! I'm so glad you liked it! Your review made me think of cookies, like when you mix in the ingredients juuust right and then everything comes out peachy...That's what I think of...
Thanks again for your review!
Date: 06/09/14 02:07 am Title: Dare
Kudos to reader for even approaching Kaiba.
And she managed to make him interested!
I like her attitude, how she still maintain a certain shyness.
Definitely looking forward to the next part.
Riiiiight??? :T You are certainly on the ball with your review....I'm glad you're looking foward to next chapter! Thanks for reviewing! :D
Date: 04/08/14 03:42 pm Title: Business
Well, this beginning definitely caught my attention. I'm eager to know more about reader, more about how her relationship (if it can be called that) came to be...
Well....I can't explain that...but everything will come full circle later on :) That's all I'm saying and thanks for reviewing! :D