Reviews For Serpentine
You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/18/19 08:42 am Title: White Noise

I don't know how you keep track of so many characters with different personalities. It keeps the story interesting and I enjoy it. Ella's and Ximena's conversation are so much fun to read too. 

I love the little insight we are getting into Ximena. More and more. And I love the torture Tom is being put through haha. 

The potions competition was a lovely addition. I love hearing about the other wizarding school's. I had only recently heard about Abe no Seimei so it's so funny you mentioned him in this chapter.

That's cool! Yeah it's like when you learn a new word and start hearing it everywhere. 

I'm sorry to hear that you have a death in the family. Take your time. 

Also, if you need a beta reader, I can don't mind helping out if you need one. 

P.S. I think you wrote "later" instead of "latter" in the sentence "The later is, by far the youngest competitor there,"



Author's Response:

I don't know either tbh with you, I try to take notes on my own story on physical paper, but even then I get confused lmao

Slowly but surely Tom and the readers will know more about her! And assume things about her as well--Glad you're enjoying his torture, so is everyone else it seems.

I wish we had gotten to see more about the other schools in the books, so I added it in since it's apparently an actual canon event that happened during Tom's years in school. That's interesting, omg, I'm glad I took a little longer to post this then.

You're sweet thank you; I might actually take you up on that offer!! It's desperately needed because it's way too hard to be my own editor atm. I think my email is on my profile here, but if not, it's moyazaichik at gmail

Yup! You're right, but there's a lot of mistakes like that littered around the fic, unfortunately (hence: the need for a Beta, cries)

Thanks for your constant reviews, they make my week and keep this fic going c:

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/22/19 05:14 pm Title: AWOL

I had an exam to prepare for this week so I had to (struggle) to put this aside to read later. 

I love all the new relationships developing. Returning the bracelet went into a whole different direction, but I like seeing Ximena interact with more characters. The Elle-Ximena cooking convo was so adorable. 

As usual, I love your insertion of other forms of magic. It really expands the HP world in ways I never thought about. 

Is it horrible of me to enjoy Tom's suffering from Ximena's rejection? The slow burn is burning him more than it's burning me.

Please don't be unhappy with this chapter, sometimes we get annoyed with our own writing because we have been staring at it/working with it too long. 

Btw, I'm Muslim too! 



Author's Response:

I'm glad you studied for your exam!!! I would have just been an irresponsible piece of garbage, cries.

There's gonna be a lot of new bonds forming >:V It'll be great, just stay tuned. I'm really happy you like my lil world building! I wanna add and include so much stuff, but there's hardly any time for it, cries.

It's not at all--Everyone so far is enjoying him paying for the consequeces of his actions. He'll be a nice slow roasted duck by the end of this fic

That's really sweet :c thank you <3 ahhhh! hi! I feel like I'm meeting so many Muslims since I converted, ahahaha

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/07/19 10:04 am Title: Interlude II: The Daily Prophet, September 26th-27th, 1939

I love that you made up a new word! I'll try to insert it into everyday conversation and see if anyone notices haha. 

I enjoy these excerpts. It makes it feel more realistic and as most chapters are lengthy it's nice to have these snippets here and there. 



Author's Response:

Spread the use of new words! It's how language evolves!

I'm glad you enjoy them, I'm always nervous about trying new things in chapters, lmao--These interludes are extra treats for readers as well as breaks for me from writing long chapters!

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/02/19 03:37 pm Title: Interlude I: Nemesis

Wow! I really enjoyed this interlude. I gained so much insight on Nemesis' character and I am more fascinated about her interactions with Tom now. And Nemesis is a metamorphmagus??? What a surprise. It adds more complexity to her character. 



Author's Response:

I'm happy you enjoyed it!! It's getting positive reception so far (Nemesis is growing to be a big fan favourite), and it provides an easy, quick update without stressing me out too bad. Yes! She's a metamorphmagus!! I'm glad you caught that without me outright saying in the text 'she's a metamorphmagus'--Her character is really meant to be a commentary on the kind of characters people try to ship with Tom. It's an attempt to bring some humanity to her. Thanks again for your repeated comments!

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/25/19 02:32 pm Title: Static

I know you said you are not a fan of this chapter, but I enjoyed the internal dialogue Tom has with himself as well as the dialogue between characters. I could just be weird but I like to watch court scenes so it was a bit like that for me. 

The dream sequence at the end gives great hints into Ximena's background and the last line was a excellent ending. I really liked the finality given by the single sentence.



Author's Response:

I think I'm just stupid self critical, tbh. I'm happy you enjoyed it!! Especially the dream sequence, it's been a scene that I've been itching to include for a while. It's almost like a heavy foreshadowing of future characters Tom will get familiar with, so I hope more people pay attention to it!

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 09/07/19 08:48 pm Title: Rumor/Truth

I really enjoy reading the dialogue in this chapter. Your writing is descriptive enough along with Riddle's unique tone for me to imagine the scene. You manage all this without it becoming boring either. I did miss seeing Ximena this chapter, but I'm interested to see how things are progressing on her side. For instance, does she know Riddle has the bracelet now? What is this curse? Perhaps, the relationship between her and Adam? 

Look forward to the next chapter!



Author's Response:

I really wanna thank you for your kind comments on this story, even after this site's lil disappearance these past few months! It means a lot!

I'm really glad it's not boring, I was worried about that. Ximena's going to be taking a break from Tom's eyes for a while, but we'll see her in memories and dreams. Maybe I'll start working on my different POV interludes!

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/24/19 02:46 pm Title: Real Talk

That was quite a bit of interesting information from Ximena. I'm just as intrigued and excited as Tom. I always enjoyed reading about how wizards think they are better than non-wizards so it was fun to read the dialogue.

Did you create the "Puff" idea? I think it's so cute. I never heard of it before reading this so (as a Slytherin) I'm wondering who my Puff would be. 

The last few lines...Tom's falling even harder. Ohhh, I can't wait. 



Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked the chapter! I was a little nervous about it being mostly dialogue, but it's gotten good reception so far!

I sure did! I'm a puff with a snake (my best friend, Lion), and I'm tired of Slyther-Puff relations being underplayed. We get along better than puffs and gryffindors, that's for sure.

I can't either, but it'll be forever before he realises it orz

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 03/04/19 11:06 am Title: Autumn

I am so excited to get to know hte new characters! Mali seems really cool, and I would love more dialogue between her and the purebloods. 

I love how you are incorporating WWII and make the setting so believable. The way Tom thinks and talks is something I can see him actually doing. I enjoy watching him writhe in jealousy with Ximena and Adam. Can we expect a stalking scenario at Hogsmeade next? 

I wanted to also compliment you on how you blend in metaphors for your descriptions without it feeling forced. It really adds to the flow of the story. 



Author's Response:

She'll be lingering in the background as the fic progresses, as I think a story is only as strong as the support cast. The more witches of color the better, I feel.

I'm glad you think so! WWII is kind of a big thing? To leave out of Tom's childhood, I think, considering he lives in London as it starts. I understand why fics leave it out (more room for romance, I guess?), but I think it would only add to his desire to stay at Hogwarts more than anything. Keeping him in character is a challenge sometimes, but I think it pays off in the end.

As for his jealousy, he can die mad. A stalking situation would be hilarious and ideal (I confess, I hadn't thought about it before), and I think if he didn't have to meet with Dumbledore (and had an invisibility cloak), he would definitely follow behind. You know, to look out for his fellow Slytherin. Maybe I'll write a parody chapter on it.

You're very sweet :c Thankk you! I try really hard to use allegories and metaphors without delving into purple prose.

I apprecite ya <3

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/16/19 08:08 pm Title: Spring&Summer

Why is no one reviewing this wonderful story??? There is so much detail and I enjoy all the characters. I like how you include important themes as well without it feeling preachy. 

Ximena's background is more and more intriguing as I read. I feel bad for Tom, too. Dumbledore is his usual manipulative self (very in character btw). 

I'll be here for more. :)



Author's Response:

Thank you for your sweet words <3 I get a few comments here and there on the few sites I have this story on, but I think the lack of reader insert on one end and the oc/canon implications on the other turn people off.

Yup! There's a lot of Dumbledore bashing in here, I'm tired of him -___-

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/18/19 09:52 am Title: Winter

I relate to Elle preferring to knead the dough by hand. I love baking, so making pie crust by hand is a lot more work but so much more satisfying.

I think the plot and the love stories are meshing well. I was wondering which cookies/sweets were offered to Tom by Ximena?

Until next chapter!



Author's Response:

Elle was one of my first OCs, so I was happy to feature her more in this story than just an unfortunate Dueling Club participant! So far, people seem to like her, so I might sneak her into future chapters.


Ahhh, I hope so!! I'm glad you think so too, I'm fearful of loose threads. As for the cookies, they're common sweets in the culture/country that Ximena hails from--They'll be revealed one day, maybe.

Reviewer: NeonCupcakeAvalanche Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/16/19 08:39 pm Title: Lavender's Blue

You put so much detail and accuracy in this story and I really appreciate it! I enjoy the inclusivity of POC, especially with Ximena and Yami. That comeback about Britain and India though - I was living for that! 

I pretty sure I'm in this for the long haul haha. 



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for taking time out to comment on my story!! It means so much to me, you don't even know, my heart just squeezed and did a little dance. It's probably the piece of writing I've put the most effort, research, and time (not to mention love) into writing, and also the one with the least comments in ratio to the size. I was gonna wait to upload the next chapter, but I'll upload it right after this reply!!

Witches of color are always needed--You'll be seeing a lot of them.

You must login (register) to review.