When you had first caught sight of the man, you knew he was with the Resistance. You knew by his messy attire and his demeanor during the opening ceremony, and had gone to confront him as he made his way towards an unsuspecting Kylo Ren.
What you didn’t expect was his look of recognition, nor his immediate retraction. He quickly made his way away from you, towards an empty hall, and you followed suit, not wanting to let any rebels ruin your beloved fiancé’s night.
You thought you had lost him once you were well away from the rest of the party goers here to celebrate the opening of a new Death Star. Despite its name, it would cause a world of good for people without homes or jobs, and looking to be able to work their way up into a structure that aimed to bring order to the chaotic universe. You believed in this, and were quite upset that you lost the one person who seemed to be ready to bring chaos to the very place being opened to end such things, until you felt yourself be pulled into an empty closet.
You were face to face with the dark haired man as he said, “Are you ok? Did they hurt you? Did he hurt you?” His eyebrows raised in worry as his hands began to pat you all over. With limited space, all you could think to do was elbow the man, exclaiming, “How dare you! You don’t just grab women like that; especially women you don’t know!”
A soft gasp caught in his throat as he pulled away, quietly saying, “(Y.N.), it’s me. Poe. You don’t… You don’t remember me?”
He reached up, gently placing his hands on your shoulders as he tried to get you to remember him, but you shrugged him off, trying to pull away. You could see the pain flash across his face. Oddly, it struck a chord with you. Why did it hurt to see him in pain?
“(Y.N.), please,” Poe pleaded, eyes raging with emotions. Sadness, anger, fear, but most notably, hope.
He gingerly reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. You flinched at first, but did not pull away as a sense of ease came over you. The pressure of his hands against yours felt so familiar, so right. Confusion overtook your features as you tried to process this.
You never felt this at ease when you held hands with Kylo.
Poe’s other hand soon cupped your cheek and he leaned his forehead onto yours.
“I know it’s in there, (Y.N.). We’ve gone through too much together for you to forget about us that easily,” he whispered with eyes closed. The gentleness in his voice rocked you to the core, and soon you found yourself closing your eyes as well.
Before you knew it, warm lips tenderly pressed against yours, and you pressed yours right back. You each moved in tandem with each other, breathing in sync and moving in a way that felt right.
Memories of kisses just like these came flashing through your mind. Memories of lying out on the bottom of a canyon together and stargazing, of training together early in the morning, and playfully wrestling late at night. Memories of sweet shows of affection, and of Resistance members jokingly making fun of your PDA. They all came back in a flurry so when you finally pulled away, you breathed out, “Poe!”
You wrapped your arms around his neck as you pulled him in for the strongest hug you could muster.
Though you still did have a sense of love for Kylo, you realized those feelings couldn’t have been real. He had tricked you with his Jedi influence into believing all those feelings you had for Poe were for him after he had captured you at the last battle on Burnin Konn. You couldn’t really love him, could you?
Guilt suddenly came over you as you thought about all the kisses you shared with Kylo, the various dates, the show of romanticism for the public to see. But what really burned your face in shame was the slow, late night romps in bed.
How many times had you initiated them? How often had you teased him mercilessly all day so when you’d finally have a chance, he’d get a chance to release all his frustrations of the day with you.
Yes, you had come to care for him a lot, but you no longer knew what you really felt. Where these all feelings transferred over from your relationship with Poe, or did your relationship with Kylo become something more?
Your legs shook as the weight of what you were feeling began to set in.
“Poe, you have to go before they find you. They’ll kill you!” you say as he wraps his arms around your waist, oblivious smile firmly fixed on his face.
He shakes his head as he says, “It’s fine. We’ll make it out of this together.” Sincerity and warmth shone brightly in his eyes, and just like that, you felt another stab at your heart.
“I can’t go,” you whisper, nuzzling into his neck as you say the words. You can’t bear to see his expression as you speak. You think quickly and offer to send information from the inside before he has a chance to argue. You can see him fight with himself, but finally, he gives in.
“You have to keep me updated constantly, ok! And I don’t care about what’s going on. I care about you. If anyone so much as pulls your hair, I’m coming to get you!” He says.
You smile at him and promise to do so. With a chaste kiss, he pulls away and leaves. You make sure the coast is clear before leaving the closet and finally making your way back to the party. When Kylo spots you, a large grin lights up his face as he begins to walk towards you.
“(Y.N.), where’ve you been?” he asks as he places a hand on the small of your back and leads you towards a short red-haired man. You open your mouth awkwardly, trying to find words as discomfort settles over you. Everything here is wrong, and blatant lies. Propaganda used to appease the simple masses. You can see the flaws in the logic behind the system now that you remember your life as a Resistance agent, but fight your every instinct telling you to run.
“Uh, well, you know me, love. I have to make sure I look good for my fiancé, don’t I?”
He leans down and whispers in your ear, “You always look good. But in that dress… If we weren’t at the party right now, I’d much rather it be pooled around your ankles.”
A blush burns your cheeks as you swat at his shoulder. “Kylo!” quietly tumbles from your lips. He lets out a boisterous laugh, and you can’t help it as your heart swells at the sight.
He wasn’t this happy at the start of your “relationship.” Was it because of you?
The red haired general makes his way over with a look of annoyance and mumbles, “Please keep the looks of adoration in private. This is a serious event; NOT for two love sick buffoons.”
Kylo rolls his eyes at the man. He lets out a haughty sigh, then responds, “I’ll give you love sick buffoons.” With that, he wrapped his arms around the top of your back and behind your waist and dips you, giving you a fiery kiss.
This is not at all gentle like Poe’s kisses, but you find yourself responding instinctively.
As he pulls you back up, your head spinning from not only the sudden movements, you find yourself thinking, ‘I’m so fucked.’