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Author's Chapter Notes:
This will probably be the only Naruto fanfic I will post on here. This is, by far, my favorite one that I've written for the series. Please review, and let me know what you think. :)

Disclaimer: Naruto Masashi Kishimoto
Hell Hath No Fury

Konoha’s Annual Summer Festival!

Don’t miss out on the excitement! There will be even more food and games than last year!

And for the first time in thirteen years, there will be fireworks!

Date: June the 30th

Time: 10:00AM to midnight

This year’s catering of food will be supplied by the Akimichi Clan!

And don’t forget to bring a date for the lighting of the Empathy Candles!


Konoha’s Annual Summer Festival.

Something you had always dreaded, even growing up as a little girl, so when you saw the bulletin board right in the middle of the village that morning, you had the urge to take multiple slashes at it with your kunai and shuriken, especially over the last sentence. You couldn’t, though, because the year before you had lost your temper over the announcement then utterly destroyed the board, which led to a very longwinded lecture from the Hokage about how an esteemed Jounin such as yourself should act in a more mature, level-headed manner.

Date. Empathy Candles. Those brought back memories, and they weren’t the kind that you wanted to remember, either. Last year, the guy you have been crushing on since your academy days, Iruka Umino, decided to take another girl as his date, unknowingly leaving you in a heartbroken mess. Kurenai, your battlefield comrade and most trusted friend, and her lover, Asuma, had been there to comfort you, but their sympathy did nothing to take away the bitterness in your heart.

Yup, taking a kunai to the bulletin board and being chastised by your superior yet again was sounding pretty nice right about then.

“I figured I’d find you here trying to incinerate the bulletin board with that demonic face of yours, so I came to make sure you didn’t burn down half of Konoha along with it.”

Your eyebrow twitched in annoyance, and you turned around to give your unwanted visitor the dirtiest glare you could. Unfazed by your threat, Kakashi merely smiled and lifted up his book to continue reading, but he made no movement to walk away from you.

“Buzz off, Kakashi, before I use that disgusting smut of yours to break your nose,” you spat.

“Hmm? What’s the matter, dear?” Kakashi asked, his voice filled with feigned sweetness. “Is it that time of the month for you? You know, they do sell medicines such as Midol and –“

You threw a moderately sized rock at his face before he could finish his sentence, but with him being a skilled shinobi, he easily dodged it. Annoyed even more, you crossed your arms under your chest and continued to glare at Kakashi.

“I’m not in the mood for you. At all,” you said lowly with a hint of danger to your voice.

Kakashi flipped another page in his book and grinned, but you hadn’t a clue whether he was smiling at what he had just read or if he was forming one of his infamous smart ass comments that he liked to smack you with all the time. You had a feeling it was the latter.

“Is that so?” he said slowly.


Lifting his gaze from his perverted book, Kakashi’s eye met yours, and you noticed the playful twinkle in his one visible coal orb. Using nothing but your gaze, you beckoned him to say what was on his mind, and his grin widened.

“You weren’t saying that a few nights ago at the bar when –“

Another rock was thrown at his face.


“Hey, Iruka-sensei! Heeeey! Wait up! Waaaait!”

Startled by Naruto’s loud and obnoxious voice, Iruka turned around to try and quiet him down but found himself unable to when he saw how excited his former student looked. Smiling, he walked toward Naruto to meet him halfway and laid a hand on top of his scruffy blond head.

“What’s wrong, Naruto? Did something happen?” asked Iruka.

“N-No, nothin’ happened. I just… Well… Kinda, umm… Well, you seeee…”

“Come on, Naruto, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

Naruto swallowed the growing lump in his throat and scratched the back of his head nervously. “Well, I wanna ask Sakura-chan to be my date to that festival thing comin’ up, but I dunno how to go about it. She’ll prob’ly punch me in the face ‘n call me stupid like she always does! Can you help me, Iruka-sensei? Please?!”

“Naruto…” Iruka said sadly. “That’s something that I can’t make happen. If it’s supposed to happen, then it will. There are some things that other people shouldn’t get involved in, and this is one of those things. Understand?”

“Err…” Naruto screwed his eyes shut in confusion and scratched his cheek, trying to contemplate on Iruka’s way of thinking. “Not really, but whatever. I dunno who to ask, then… Ino scares me, I think Tenten is going with Neji or Lee or somethin’… Oh! Maybe Hinata! She talks to me sometimes. D’you think Hinata would go with me? Prob’ly not. She’s sorta weird, and her face turns into a tomato every time I talk to her…”

“Well, you’ll never know unless you try.”

Naruto fist pumped into the air. “Right! I’mma go ask Hinata! Thanks, Iruka-sensei!”

Amused, Iruka shook his head as Naruto ran off in a hurry. He was always amazed at how much energy Naruto had, and he found himself hoping that he would never lose that endless enthusiasm.

“Well, look at you being a supportive father figure to Naruto!” Kakashi said after appearing out of nowhere in a puff of smoke. He smiled to himself when he saw Iruka jump slightly.

“Oh… Hello there, Kakashi. I haven’t talked to you in quite some time. How is everything going with you and Team 7?” replied Iruka.

“Everything is fine. What about you and your new students?”

“The same, I suppose. They’re not showing as much potential as Naruto’s graduating class had, but they’re still promising students. Is Naruto doing okay? Has he improved any?”

Kakashi tried to keep his annoyance masked by keeping his book in front of his face. He had been through this countless times with Iruka; Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were his students now and not Iruka’s. Kakashi was comfortable with updating him on the personal things in his students’ lives, but when it came to their shinobi lifestyles, that was where he drew the line. To dissipate the strained atmosphere, Kakashi simply smiled and changed the subject.

“Hey Iruka, guess what?” he said.


“(First Name) is horny and waiting for you.”

Before Iruka could ask Kakashi about his sudden declaration, the copy ninja disappeared just as suddenly as he had appeared, leaving Iruka positively stunned and confused.

“W-W-W-What?! (First Name)-san?!?!?!?!”


You sneezed then glared at the nearest tree.

“Stupid allergies…”


An untouched cup of tea set in front of Iruka, and he could do nothing but stare at it because you kept plaguing his mind. Whenever he tried to think of something else, you always popped up again. Many of his daydreams usually ended in you below him, screaming his name in pleasure. Frustrated with his overactive mind, Iruka groaned and smacked his head against the wooden table, gaining the attention of a few startled people sitting around him.

Damn, he was going to need a cold shower when he returned home. Stupid Kakashi for jumpstarting these dirty thoughts of his.

Just as Iruka was about to take the first sip of the delicious drink setting in front of him, the person he least wanted to see suddenly appeared behind him.

“Hello, Iruka!” Kakashi said cheerfully.

Startled, Iruka spit out his mouthful of tea all over the head of the person that had been sitting in the booth in front of him.

“Kakashi,” Iruka growled in frustration. “What’s the meaning of this? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“I see my earlier statement has done a number on you. I don’t think I’ve ever startled you like that before… Hehe.” Kakashi blinked when Iruka merely glowered at him. “Anyway, that’s beside the point. I’ve come here to test a theory of mine. Care to know what it is?”

Iruka gave Kakashi a skeptical look but nodded his head anyway. “So what is this theory of yours?”

“I’ve heard an interesting rumor that (First Name) has the hots for you, so I set you up with Anko as your date to the festival, but don’t worry. She knows the entire plan. Just play along with what she does and says, and we’ll see how little (First Name) reacts when she happens to walk past you two lovebirds. Such a wonderful plan! Isn’t it, Iruka?”

“… And why exactly are you doing this?”

Well!” Kakashi started, a bit too eagerly for Iruka’s liking. “According to Kurenai and Asuma, you broke poor (First Name)-chan’s heart last year when you went to the festival with another girl. Oh, and nearly every Chuunin and Jounin in Konoha want to see the two of you together, but that isn’t the point!”

Iruka stared.

“Have fun! Oh, and you might want to wear a protective cup. You know (First Name) has some violent tendencies when she gets angry!”

Iruka stared more.

“Be safe!”

Then Kakashi disappeared and left Iruka wondering what he had really meant by “be safe”… And wondering how in the hell Kakashi had thought up of a plan like that.


You viciously ripped off the last morsel of meat from the thin stick pressed between your fingers and chomped loudly, causing Kurenai, who was seated across from you, to give you a disturbed look. She attempted to ignore you for the next few moments, figuring Kakashi had riled you up again, but eventually curiosity got the best of her and she couldn’t help but ask about your ill mood.

“(First Name), what’s wrong?” she asked you.

“Nothing!” you snapped, going for a stray chunk of meat that was left on the grill that was set in front of the two of you. “Nothing at all!”

She sighed. “You’re a horrible liar.”

“And so are you. Everybody knows you had sex with Asuma in the bar bathroom a few nights ago.”

Kurenai choked on a piece of food and looked around to make sure none of their comrades were around. You had promised Kurenai that you wouldn’t mention that night while they were in public, but fortunately, she didn’t notice Kakashi, Gai, Anko, or any of the others around.

“(First Name)…” Kurenai said warningly.

“… What?”

“Nothing, (First Name), nothing. You know, this whole temper wouldn’t have to do with –“


“– do with today’s festival, would it?” Kurenai finished, ignoring your random outburst. “Did Kakashi say something to upset you?”

“No, absolutely not! It has nothing to do with this stupid, satanic trash of a –“

“Iruka’s going to the festival with Anko! What a glorious day!” Kakashi said out of nowhere.

Kurenai’s lips twitched upward, and you aggressively turned around in your seat to glare at Kakashi. Said person, as always, had his face buried in his perverted book and paid you no attention.

“WHAT’D YOU SAY?!” you screamed, spitting various meaty parts all over Kakashi’s hair and book.

Trying to hide his disgust, Kakashi merely closed his book and snatched the napkin lying in your lap to wipe off his book and pick out the pieces of food stuck in his hair. You heard Kurenai snicker from behind you, but you figured it was because of the food you had spit all over Kakashi.

“You heard me,” replied Kakashi. “Anko Mitarashi is Iruka Umino’s date to the festival. Need I get more specific than that?”

That was it. This meant war.

Kakashi grinned to himself as he watched you storm off in a rage then looked to Kurenai. “I’d say that went as smoothly as it could have. What do you think?”

“I suppose, but please tell me you warned Iruka about this beforehand,” she replied.

“Of course. Hell hath no fury on an enraged (First Name).”


“Is this really going to work?” Iruka mumbled, cautiously peeking over his back every other second, waiting to see you running at him with a high-powered chainsaw.

Anko sighed. “It won’t work if you blow the whole thing. We have to make this believable. Here, put your arm around here.” She grabbed Iruka’s arm and placed it around her waist.

“W-Wait! I don’t understand why you’re doing all of this!” Iruka said, a bit flustered by their close proximity.

“Kakashi promised me a night of free drinks. Now, shut up and play along because I can sense her approaching.”

“What? How?”

“I’m pretty sure that angry, chakra-flared person coming toward us would be her.”


You were seething – no, that was an understatement – you were completely and utterly pissed off. Anko was your friend, but she went behind your back and stole your man. You were done with sitting back and being the other girl. You were done with the tear-filled nights. It was now or never, and Iruka Umino was going to be yours by the end of the festival.

You tapped Iruka on the shoulder, and he hesitantly turned around to look at you. Anko pretended to be offended by your intrusion, but it was apparent that she was having a hard time keeping her laughter to herself.

“Y-Yes? Do you need something, (First Name)-san?” Iruka asked you. He could practically feel his manhood throbbing in pain already; he should have listened to Kakashi’s advice and had worn a cup before going through with this insane plan.

“Yes, I do need something, actually.”

Iruka gulped and Anko let out a quiet giggle. Kakashi lowered his book just slightly, peeking over the top to watch what was about to happen. Kurenai sidestepped behind Asuma, fearing for the worst, while Gai creepily hanged upside down from a roof next to you, Iruka, and Anko.

“A-And what would that be, (First Name)-san?” Iruka asked, his voice noticeably quieter.

Without any warning, you grabbed Iruka’s face with your hands and smashed your lips against his, catching everybody off guard who had thought you were going to castrate him and utterly destroy Anko. After getting over the initial shock, Iruka kissed back with equal fervor, forcing his tongue into your mouth unexpectedly. He roughly pressed your body against his and grabbed your ass with both hands, and you reacted by harshly sinking your nails in his broad, muscular shoulders.

The two of you finally broke apart after a minute or two for air, completely oblivious to the fact that you had an audience the entire time.

“About freakin’ time, you two!”

“Oh my…”

“Wasn’t expecting that…”

“May Iruka’s youthful spores pollinate the dormant seeds that lie within (First Name)-chan’s body!”

An awkward silence enveloped the area.

“Whoa, baby! Do that again, only without any clothes on!”

Everybody turned toward the tree that was overlooking the vicinity and found Jiraiya with a telescope firmly pressed against his eye and blood leaking from his nose.

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