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Chapter Fourteen: Making Sense:

I have been at this house for close to a week and a half now. My sister’s friends treat me as one of their own now. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how long I’m supposed to stay here. Akemi has yet to tell when I’m going home and I doubt that she ever will. I rolled over on my stomach in my bed. Heh, “my” bed. It still doesn’t feel like home just yet.

I still don’t know why Hitomi killed herself. I haven’t even finished her tapes and journal. One would think they would know their friends really well. There is still so much I don’t know about Hitomi. I never even figured out why she called me out there that day. Why would she call me of all people? We weren’t that close by that time. I should have tried to talk to her then. Maybe try and make sense of everything. The more I try, the more I get confused.

I reached under my bed for Hitomi’s journal. My hand ran along the plastic green cover. Looking at it gave me even more questions in my head. Why would her mother give me Hitomi’s journal and tapes? I didn’t even go to the funeral. Her mother just showed up my front door afterwards and handed it to me.

“Please take them, my daughter would’ve wanted you to have them,” was all she told me. Before I could ask, she walked into her car and drove off. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with the box at first. Throwing it away would be heartless, but I didn’t have any use for it either. It pretty much ended up stashed in room until Akemi came and took me away. I turned the journal around in my hand.

Well, might as well read more since I can’t sleep. I opened the journal on where I last stopped and began reading.

Sometimes, I look up at the skies and see the birds. I almost envy them in a way. They can just fly away wherever they want. Birds are free. Some people are free too. Kichiro-kun is like a bird. One day, he’ll fly away to Tokyo and go around the world. He’ll probably be a doctor in America or a professor in Europe. Kichiro-kun’s smart enough to do it. I believe in him.

I didn’t know what to say. Hitomi clearly thought highly of me. I didn’t understand why, though. I’m not really anyone special. I just studied hard like I was supposed to. I wasn’t good at sports or very popular. Yet, Hitomi stuck by me and never explained why. I tried to ask her when we were in grade school together. She gave me a huge grin.

“You are so cool!” Hitomi shouted on the playground. Even back then, I thought she was weird. Remembering all of that made me read more in the entry.

I am nothing like Kichiro-kun. I am not a bird. I will never fly away. I’m not too smart. Kichiro-kun surpasses me in every way. In my eyes, he is divine. I can never compete with that. My best friend is truly divine.

I shook my head. Hitomi, you think too highly of me, I thought. Some of the pages in her journal go on and on about how great I am. I still don’t know why she liked so much. Her friendship didn’t make much sense to me. I guess we didn’t really want to be so lonely. We were just two socially awkward little kids who just found each other and just hung around because we didn’t have any other friends. After we lost touch, I didn’t really make any new friends. Instead, I hit the books and studied throughout high school.

Looking through these pages, I see that Hitomi didn’t really have many friends either. She might have locked herself away in her room as they say. However, I don’t really read any evidence of that sort of thing. I believe that I need to know more about Hitomi. I was about to turn the page when there was a knock on my bedroom door. I slid the journal back under my book.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Kichiro-kun,” I heard a groggy voice mumble. “Are you awake yet?” I sat up in my bed, confused.

“Sakura-hime?” I asked.

“Can I come in?” she asked in a tiny voice. I bit on my lower lip.

“Why?” I asked.

“Please?” she whimpered.

“Go back to bed,” I grumbled.

“Please?” she begged again. I lay back in my bed.

“If I let you in will you go away?” I asked.

“Yes!” she said aloud. I sighed, putting my hand over my face.

“Fine, come in,” I said. Sakura-hime tried to open the door.

“It’s locked,” she complained. I rolled my eyes.

“Hang on,” I told her. I climbed out of bed and unlocked the bedroom door. Sakura-hime looked inside, pouting.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered.

“Whatever,” I mumbled. She walked straight past me into my room. I shook my head as I closed the door behind us.

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